← Autodidact Archive · Original Dissent · Maximillian
Thread ID: 4529 | Posts: 6 | Started: 2003-01-20
2003-01-20 00:42 | User Profile
Hey WN's! Just saw a promo for this new African adventure, starring Bruce Willis as a SEAL commander facing off against hordes of pygmy-munching Nigerian rebels. My interest was naturally raised. Unfortunately, the "moral" of the story seems to revolve around Willis' decision to risk his life and that of his men and the American woman to save the lives of the refugee tribe the aggressor tribe wants to roast on spits. Oh well, I guess we can't ask for everything.
BTW there seems to be some similarities between this movie and "The Dark of the Sun" which involved two mercenaries (one of which was "good negro" Big Jim Brown) rescuing hapless white Belgians from rampaging, raping savages. Naturally, the real bad guy turns out to be an ex SS officer, but it's still a good adventure movie. Perhaps it would have strained the credulity of the audience that one of the 70 IQ savages could be sufficiently organized and cunning to give the heroes enough problems to maintain the running time, but I suspect the usual suspects were responsible on that call.
I am reminded of a small article in "The Onion" which I failed to copy, but went something like:
"Affable Anti-Semite Says Jews Doing A Good Job Controlling The Media"
"This has a been a great year for movies"..."Of course, the Media covers up the Jewish stranglehold on the world economy, but that's understandable."
Gotta find that article somewhere!! Anyway:
SYNOPSIS
In director Antoine Fuquaââ¬â¢s (Training Day) new action-adventure film, Bruce Willis stars as Lt. A.K. Waters, the loyal veteran officer of a Navy S.E.A.L unit. When heââ¬â¢s sent into the heart of Africa, the usually hard-bitten Waters finds himself deeply conflicted at having to choose between following orders and the dictates of his own conscience.
Lt. Waters travels to war-torn Nigeria to rescue Dr. Lena Kendricks (Monica Bellucci), a U.S. citizen who runs a mission in the countryside. But when Lt. Waters arrives Dr. Kendricks refuses to abandon the refugees under her care. She implores Waters to escort them on a dangerous trek through the dense jungle to the nearby border of Cameroon. During the journey, the S.E.A.Ls find themselves the unwitting guardians of a man sought by the rebel militia. This further endangers their already hazardous mission. But all the while it strengthens resolve to protect Lena -- for whom he has unexpectedly developed feelings -- and the refugees, and to deliver them safely across the border. -- é Columbia Pictures
[url=http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/TearsoftheSun-10001437/about.php]http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/Tearsofthe...01437/about.php[/url]
2003-01-20 17:05 | User Profile
Max - I searched The Onion for that item, but couldn't find it. I did come across this though, which sort of fits.
By Herbert Kornfeld Accounts Receivable Supervisor All y'all disciples of tha H-Dog know that The Man always be tryin' to playa-hate on tha Accountz Reeceevable bruthahood, 24-7. On any given day in tha office park what contain Midstate Office Supply, tha 5-0 be bustin' some A.R. bruthah on some trumped-up charge, like jaywalkin' or findin' a ounce or two of correction fluid on his person an' claimin' he wuzn't usin' it for no correctin'. That sh*t don't never happen to no Accountz Payabo muthafuckas, 'cause they got all tha dead prez an' can bribe tha pigs so they look tha other way. A.R. bruthahs ain't got nothin' but debits, an' they thankful if they just balance at tha end of tha goddamn day.
So tha A.R. krew gots to be vigilant at all times and take care of they own. When one of us be down on our luck, tha others gots to tend to him, 'cause one day, they could find theyselves in that same situation, know what I'm sayin'?
Yo, peep this: 'Bout a month ago at quitting time, tha H-Dog be punchin' out foe tha day, lookin' forward to kickin' back in his crib wit' tha latest issue of Consuma Reportz an' a steamin' bowl of Dinty Moore stew, when I spots this fool leanin' on tha Nite Rida out in tha Midstate parking lot. It be dusk, an' I can't makes him out too good, but that don't matter, 'cuz tha Letta Opener Of Death always finds its target, know what I'm sayin'? So I creep up on tha guy, my Spidey Sense all tinglin', but before I can stick tha bitch, he whirl around an' grabs my arm. It mah homey Jerry Tha Sharpie Head.
"sh*t, fool," I say. "Y'all be leanin' on mah hoopty. You outta yo' mind?"
Jerry Tha Sharpie Head be one crazy-ass muthafucka. He always trippin' on them felt-tip pens an', as a result, ain't capable of observin' tha most basic of H-Dog protocol, which be, stay tha fizuck off tha Nite Rida, lest you wanna get sprayed. But Jerry still gots tha reflexes of a muthafuckin' jungle cat, an' he can balance and journalize wit' tha best of them. Word is bond. Only, Jerry look like sh*t: He be sweatin' an' shakin', his Membaz Only windbreaker be all soiled, tha underside of his nose be stained wit' black Sharpie ink, an' ledga sheets be fallin' out of his attaché case.
"Yo, H-Dog," Jerry say. "I need somethin'."
"sh*t, Jerry," I say, "I ain't got no Sharpies."
"Nah, I don't need no fix, Dog," Jerry say. "That ain't it. You gotta help me wit' somethin' else. Don't nobody wanna hire me 'cuz I just got outta lockdown. They think I ain't to be trusted around they benjaminz, 'cuz I been in tha pen. But that be straight-up bullshit, G, 'cuz I didn't get busted foe no embezzlin' or money-launderin' or no fiscal sh*t like that. I got busted foe theft of certain office supplies. I did my time and paid mah debt to society. What moe they want a brutha to do?"
"Yo, Jerry, chill," I say. "Whatchu want from me?"
"I wants you to let me join tha Midstate A.R. posse."
Damn. Picture Jerry an' me, accountz-reeceevin' together like back in tha day. That would be off tha hook, no doubt. Only thing was, tha Midstate A.R. krew already be full. Wit' Gary an' Gladys backin' up tha H-Dog in his day-to-day bidness, I don't needs no more homeys protectin' mah neck. Tha only work I'd have foe Jerry would be pitiful sh*t like copyin' an' collatin,' which I wouldn't even make no bitch-ass temp do, let alone a Seventh-Degree A.R. Masta like Jerry. So I tells Jerry that I write him a reference instead. Tha H-Dog be known far and wide as tha Tony Montana of tha A.R. scene, an' a reference from me be worth its weight in gold, know what I'm sayin'?
So Jerry an' me, we go back to my cubicle, an' I gets on tha computa an' types up tha phattest reference letta a A.R. bruthah ever got. I write how tha H-Dog be down wit' Jerry since back in tha day, when we wuz just two hungry young street punks hustlin' to reeceeve. I write how he wuz a disciple of tha legendary A.R. masta CPA-ONE. I write how he be tha hardest workin' muthafucka of them all, an' how you'd have to be a stone-cold fool of a human-resources director not to hire his azz. I didn't say nothin' about him bein' in tha pen or about his Sharpie-huffin'. This letta be nothin' but mad props.
Tha next day, I be chillin' in my crib, just checkin' my phone mizessages. One of them be from Jerry, sayin' that thankz to my off-tha-heezy reference letta, some Big Willie textbook publisher hired his azz on tha spot. I be crazy proud to help out a homey in need, especially one from back in tha day like Jerry, even if he a Sharpie Head.
A few weeks go by, an' I be tendin' to bidness as usual. Then, one day, I be in tha Midstate break room, and associate shipping supervisa Jim Eberthaler steps to mah grill.
"Oh, hi, Herbert," Jim say. "Say, did you know that my wife works over at Enrichment Publishing? Apparently, a good friend of yours, Jerry, was recently hired over there. I understand he's the new accounts-payable supervisor. That's terrific. Small world, huh?"
DAMN.
Tha next few hours wuz a blur. All I could think about wuz Jerry crossin' ova to tha A.P. side. I took a long lunch that day, only I don't recall gettin' my eat on. What I do remember is cruisin' ova to tha other side of town, grabbin' a bat from tha trunk of tha Nite Rida, hustlin' up to tha seventh floor of Enrichment Publishin' corporate headquarters, draggin' Jerry's ass out of his cubicle, and beatin' tha livin' sh*t outta him until he was a mass of bloody pulp an' shredded Membaz Only nylon. Some big-hair office ho called tha 5-0, but tha H-Dog wuz long gone by the time they arrived.
I went back to mah cubicle at Midstate and tried to chill, focusin' on mah Executive Stress Ball. But crazy thoughts be flyin' through my dome. Then I hears tha 5-0's sirens down below in tha parkin' lot. I be thinkin', come an' get me, pigs. Jerry an' me wuz mad tight back in tha day, but I don't regret nothin'. It be worth doin' time for what I did. Tha A.R. bruthahood cannot be betrayed.
I gets up from my fly pneumatic desk-chair wit' tha height control an' tha lumbar adjustment for tha last time, thinkin' about how them cold steel cuffs gonna feel against tha skin of my wrists. But as I nears tha Midstate loadin' dock, about to give myself up, there be that wack inventory-department bitch Dave Weintraub, who for some reason think we tight.
"Hey, Herbert, your friend Jerry just got caught stealing a case of dry-erase markers from our warehouse," Dave say. "He didn't even try hiding the markersââ¬âhe just walked out with them in broad daylight. Right under the 'We Prosecute Shoplifters' sign, no less."
"You fckin' wit' tha H-Dog?" I say to Dave. "You better not be fckin' wit' tha H-Dog, or I slit yo' muthafukkin' throat."
"No, Herbert, that's the absolute truth," Dave say. "Scout's honor."
"Then I hope you took tha case from him an' gave him tha beat-down of his life foe stealin' Midstate inventory," I say. "You better say that to me, beeyotch."
"Oh, no, Herbert. I would never take the law into my own hands like that," Dave say. "I phoned the police. They just drove off with him a minute ago. Boy, he didn't look too good, either. It almost looked like he fell down a flight of stairs or something."
Out of mah head, I grab Dave and slam his bitch ass against a bunch of boxes. Only, tha boxes be filled wit' nothin' but packin' peanuts, an' they be all ova tha fool as I peel outta tha parkin' lot in tha Nite Rida. Foe tha first time in my Midstate career, I takes tha aftanoon off.
Damn. After I whupped him, Jerry musta found tha strength to get into his hoopty an' follow me to Midstate. Then he got hisself busted intentional 'cuz of me.
Maybe I shoulda...
Aw, fck that sht. Jerry broke tha sacred Code Of Tha Reeceevable. Crossin' ova to Payabo be beyond forgivin', man.
I stuck mah neck out foe Jerry Tha Sharpie Head, and he go A.P. on me. Then he go and steal a bunch of dry-erase markers in broad daylight. Why he wanna do that right when he get out of tha pen and be turnin' his life around? Maybe Jerry one of them bruthas who can't live on tha outside. Whateva. All I knows is, that fool gonna have a rough time in minimum-security lockdown when all them A.R. bruthahs on tha inside find out he be a traitor to tha cause. He probably gonna be made some junk-bond trader's bitch. sh*t.
2003-01-21 04:35 | User Profile
Hah Hah! I love the Herbert Kornfeld sections! Accountz receevin' ain't fo no candy-*ss temps!
I couldn't find that article about the "affable antisemite", either, Ed, but I swear I almost fell out of my chair when I read it the first time. I have to start keeping a file of these things I come across on the internet- it can be an ephemeral medium.
2003-01-21 19:25 | User Profile
Originally posted by Maximillian@Jan 21 2003, 00:35 ** Hah Hah! I love the Herbert Kornfeld sections! Accountz receevin' ain't fo no candy-*ss temps!
I couldn't find that article about the "affable antisemite", either, Ed, but I swear I almost fell out of my chair when I read it the first time. I have to start keeping a file of these things I come across on the internet- it can be an ephemeral medium. **
Google rules...
[url=http://www.kitchencabinet.blogspot.com/2002_10_06_kitchencabinet_archive.html]http://www.kitchencabinet.blogspot.com/200...et_archive.html[/url] "Affable Anti-Semite Thinks The Jews Are Doing Super Job With The Media"
PLANO, TXââ¬âHenry McCullers, an affable Plano-area anti-Semite, praised the Jewish people Monday for doing "a bang-up job" running the media. "This has been such a great year for movies, and the new crop of fall TV shows looks to be one of the best in years," McCullers said. "And the cable news channels are doing a terrific job, too. Admittedly, they're not reporting on the Jewish stranglehold on world finance, but, hey, that's understandable."
2003-01-22 06:14 | User Profile
"I do not want my child to feel that it is acceptable to resort to hitting, kicking and pinching her siblings, like the Jews she sees on television," concerned parent Sandra Hueber said.
:lol: :lol: :lol:
2005-10-09 00:04 | User Profile
I just watched this movie again and was reminded at the utter non-sense of playing super hero in order to save a bunch of africans. I would have let that female make her own choice, get out while she can or stay there and "save" them herself.
:smoke:
Why cant their be a movie about taking on mugabe and his gang ? Oh ya, that would be anti-democractic and racist, not to mention fiction bordering on fantasy. Well, maybe one day after the US comes to its senses and makes amends for turning its back on Rhodesia, not that its really possible now.