← Autodidact Archive · Original Dissent · il ragno
Thread ID: 3289 | Posts: 12 | Started: 2002-10-29
2002-10-29 19:03 | User Profile
If 70% of sitcom writers are Jewish - and most civilized people agree that sitcoms are a plague upon culture and teeth-grindingly UNfunny - why should that qualify Jewish humorists to dominate a 'funniest jokes' list? Groucho Marx and Sid Perelman and Jack Douglas are all dead, and Woody Allen no longer writes anything funny on-purpose: that leaves FRIENDS & SEINFELD hacks and human dross like Alan King & Jackie Mason to represent the Tribe; frankly, "The Diary Of Anne Frank" is funnier than anything they've done.
[url=http://www.forward.com/issues/2002/02.10.25/fast3.html]http://www.forward.com/issues/2002/02.10.25/fast3.html[/url]
Is This a Joke? Jewish Humor Fails To Make List of Funniest Jests By MAX GROSS
Rabbi Moshe Waldoks recently left an angry message on the Forward's voicemail service."I'm curious to hear what someone has the nerve to call 'the funniest joke,'" growled the disgusted co-author of "The Big Book of Jewish Humor." "What chutzpah!"
The wise men of Chelm would be turning in their graves if they knew of the results of a study published earlier this month that named the most widely praised jokes throughout Europe and North America. While, according to Waldoks, 60% to 70% of people in the humor industry (writers, comedians, etc.) are Jews, there is not a single joke involving Jews in the survey's top tier.
LaughLab, created by the University of Hertfordshire in England and the British Association for the Advancement of Science, conducted a yearlong survey via the Internet, in which more than 2 million people passed judgment on 40,000 jokes.
"There aren't 40,000 gentile jokes," huffed Alan King, the comic's comic and author of the brand-new "Alan King's Great Jewish Joke Book" (Crown). "If there are, they've been changed."
The British, King told the Forward, are "carriers of bad humor. India wasn't funny, South Africa wasn't funny, so what do they know?"
The big winner might barely rate a tee-hee from those raised on Hershele Ostropoler jokes.
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
The joke, said Waldoks, "Plays upon this very well known genre of jokes [that] a person is so stupid, it creates a sense of superiority."
The roots of that joke might be in Chelm, the mythical shtetl in the Pale of Settlement whose citizens were ultra-literalists.
The typical joke favored by Americans also seems a little toothless:
Texan: "Where are you from?"
Harvard grad: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."
Texan: "Okay ââ¬â where are you from, jackass?"
The LaughLab results might have been made deliberately more benign, said a LaughLab spokesman.
"All jokes were screened before being included" in the survey, said Craig Brierley, a spokesman for the British Association for the Advancement of Science, in an e-mail. "Arguably the funniest jokes would be taboo jokes, too rude to repeat (I mean jokes of a sexual nature...), but as this study was being run to promote Science Year, a Department for Education and Skills initiative for school children, we did not consider it appropriate to include them." Brierley added, however, that the respondents were mostly adults.
In addition to the most popular jokes, LaughLab yielded some very surprising results about what jokes are appealing to individual nationalities.
Those most eager to laugh are Germans. The least impressed were Canadians. America is less inclined to laugh than most countries surveyed.
Jokes that feature a duck were generally rated higher than jokes with other animals. (Groucho Marx would be proud.) The perfect length of a joke: 102 words.
Waldoks says that he doubts that the absence of Jewish jokes indicates any overt antisemitism on behalf of the world at -large. "I think it's an ignorance," Waldoks said, not any lack of material. Waldoks himself declined to suggest a funniest Jewish joke, saying it would be impossible to make such a distinction.
Yet the study prompts a host of questions. What is happening to Jewish humor? With the hundreds of Jewish comedians and writers, how did Jews become irrelevant in a worldwide humor survey? Does the lack of Jewish jokes signify a greater trend? Do people really go hunting in New Jersey?
Waldoks told the Forward that on November 24 he will sit on a panel at the Jewish Community Center in Newton, Mass., called, "What's So Funny? The Changing Face of Jewish Humor." Panelists will address a heartbreaking question: Are Jews still funny?
"I think they are," Waldoks said.
King also said there is no such thing as the greatest Jewish joke, although he offered what he called "the greatest priest, minister and rabbi" joke.
"A priest, minister and rabbi go into a bar. The bartender says, 'What is this, a joke?'"
2002-10-29 19:44 | User Profile
Personally, I love Jewish jokes. How can you tell if your limo is owned by a Jew? It has a pay phone in the back seat.
On another note, someone in my family was fired from his job for telling a joke about the IDF. Some cranky ol' Jewess got her knickers in a bunch about it and complained. No sense of humor on that one!
...he doubts that the absence of Jewish jokes indicates any overt antisemitism on behalf of the world
No doubt Waldoks thinks the world is simmering with "anti-semitism" of the non-overt variety, ready to burst out and toss him into a ghetto if it weren't for the good work of the ADL.
2002-10-29 20:33 | User Profile
How was copper wire invented? Two Jews fighting over a penny.
How was the Grand Canyon formed? A Jew dropped a nickel down a gopher hole.
2002-10-29 20:59 | User Profile
Javelin -- that second one was so good I laughed out loud the second time I read it.
2002-10-29 22:18 | User Profile
A Frenchman, a Jew and an Arab are sitting on a park bench. A fly lands on the Frenchman. He brushes it away in annoyance and it lands upon the Jew. He too brushes it away and it lands on the Arab, who quickly seizes the fly and eats it.
A moment later, another fly happens along, landing on the Frenchman who brushes it off. It then lands on the Jew, who does likewise. Finally it lands on the Arab, who quickly captures it and eats it.
A few more moments pass and a third fly lands on the Frenchman, who again brushes it away. It next lands on the Jew, who verrry carefully grasps it by the wings, turns smiling to the Arab and asks, "You vanna buy a fly maybe?"
2002-10-30 00:08 | User Profile
** "I think it's an ignorance," Waldoks said, not any lack of material. **
Ignorance? I know that is the root of all problems. But just how so for Jew jokes when they have the American media at their fingertips. It cant be that their humor does not get exposure. I would think that there are several important elements here. First, sitcom humor lives by the laugh track. Try watching a sitcom without it and if you did not think so before, you'll understand just how humorless they are. Second, this was conducted on the internet. The internet is viewed by a more intelligent group than TV. As we all know certain segments of society dont have the internet access of others. Finally, being a joke that could only be read, what made the jokes funny was not appearance or delivery. The jokes had to be funny as read, and get to the punch line quickly. I guess us dumb gentiles are able to do more with less.
2002-10-30 00:54 | User Profile
Question: How do you fit 24 Jews and 4 Germans in a Volkswagon Beatle?
Answer: Put the Jews in the ash tray.
2002-10-30 01:49 | User Profile
Q: How do you know when a jew is lying? A: When his lips are moving.
Q: What's the difference between a jew and cookie? A: Cookies don't scream when you put them in the oven.
Q: How does a jew say "Fu*k you"? A: "Trust me."
2002-10-30 10:38 | User Profile
Waldoks says that he doubts that the absence of Jewish jokes indicates any overt antisemitism on behalf of the world at -large. "I think it's an ignorance," Waldoks said, not any lack of material.
I believe that this right here answers their question. If a gentile were to tell a joke about Jews and I dont mean the ones above, there would be Jews that would do somersaults to try to prove the intent of the joke was antisemitism. Most humorists dont want that grief of having to undergo an anal examination by the rabbis of p.c. From reading the complaints above it strikes me as just one more example of how these people think the world should revolve around them.
For the rest of us who really dont care what they think well take the ones above like the one about the gopher hole. :D They tend to be alot closer to the truth.
2002-10-31 08:38 | User Profile
A Jewish colleague sent me recently a collection of "gentile" jokes that are popular in Israel.
Here are a couple:
Two gentile mothers meet on the street. One says to the other "My son is a truck driver, and he makes $16/hour," to which the other replies "Great! You must be so proud!"
Two elderly gentile women meet on the street: "Mary, how are you feeling? "I'm feeling great! How are you feeling, Christine?" "I'm feeling fine, too."
These are, of course, cleverly disguised Jewish jokes. Some were actually pretty good. Too bad I purged it from my inbox, or I'd post it.
Walter
2002-11-03 06:12 | User Profile
The reason that there is such a high proportion of jewish comics is the jewish control of the entertainment industry. It's why the proportion of jews in most areas of the entertainment industry is so high. Pointing out that there are lots of jewish comics, writers, directors, etc. is ... pointless, when one considers who is controlling the industry, and the history of the "hiring practices" of said group.
Also, jews can only laugh at themselves when it's ANOTHER JEW telling the joke. If a non-jew cracks wise, oy vey! The noive!
2002-11-05 05:40 | User Profile
Ok, here's a gentile joke told me by jews when I worked for an ... unnamed studio.
A gentile goes into a jewish tailor shop, and sees a great suit on display. It's perfect for him. But it costs $900.00, far more than it's worth. What does the gentile say to the salesman? "I'll take it!" Yes, I do find it funny, but not for the same reasons many jews may think so.
Which brings to mind a double edged joke about priests and jews/rabbis. Although told to me years ago, it is funnier considering recent events. No, this one did not come from a jew.
A priest and rabbi are getting ready to camping. The rabbi says he can get EVERYTHING they need for their trip at great prices, because he's got pull and connections. So, the priest is giving the rabbi a list of extra items they will need above and beyond the standard items they have already considered.
"A couple of packs of waterproof matches." "Waterproof matches, got it."
"Water purification tablets." The rabbi is surprised. "Aren't we bringing bottled water?" "In case we run out or have some other unexpected emergency," counters the priest.
The priest is again silent for a couple of seconds. "We'd better bring some of those protein bars, those snacks, just in case." "Morrie runs a health food store, no problem."
The priest ponders for another few seconds. "Ok, we should bring a small emergency tool set. You never know." "You got it. My cousin Abe can snake us one for near nothing."
The priest is quiet for four or five seconds, then his eyes light up. "I'll also need a ten year old boy." The rabbi is puzzled. "Did I hear you right? You want a ten year old boy?" The priest shakes his head. "Yes, a ten year old boy." "Oy vey, a ten year old boy. Why do you want a ten year old boy?" This makes the priest grin, then he answers: "I'm going to fu*k him." "Out of what?" asks the rabbi.