← Autodidact Archive · Original Dissent · Kevin_O'Keeffe
Thread ID: 18144 | Posts: 2 | Started: 2005-05-08
2005-05-08 09:03 | User Profile
A gentleman from Flanders, over at The Phora, was uncertain what was meant by the term "soccer mom" (I think he may have been concerned it was somehow a dig at European football). I tried to explain it to him with the little essay you see below. I hope you will find it amusing.
"Soccer mom" is just an expression for a certain sort of woman who is, unfortunately, very common in America, and has nothing per se to do with soccer (I'm sure many children who are taken to soccer practice by their mothers are not at all "soccer moms," although one suspects American women of substance would quietly prefer their sons pursue baseball).
A "soccer mom" is a suburban, middle-to-upper-middle class White woman, married to the father of her children (but from whom she will almost certainly be divorced within 5-10 years; he is probably her second husband already, and she may very well already know the physically mature boy, age 40+, who never takes his multinational corporate logo-emblazoned "baseball" cap off, even when he's indoors, who will eventually become husband #3, and will likely have the pleasure of being the first sexual partner of any daughters produced via the seed of husband #2, but I digress).
They are unusually shallow and vapid, materialistic Yuppie sorts, who believe the social status of parading themselves as full-time mothers is more valuable than the sort of social status they can achieve via office drudgery in an advertising company or mortgage firm. Social conformity, trendiness, and the belief that anything which costs more money is always innately superior to a less expensive alternative, are three of her key indicators. She is frightened and offended by either far-right or far-left political opinions (although her pseudo-education often makes her less sensitive to the existence of the far-left implications of ideas she has come to associate with her beloved "mainstream"). Soccer moms love to deride anyone who has an original thought, idea, or authentic sense of style, as being "out of step," as if they seem to regard as self-evident the notion that a perfect world would be one in which we were all marching together in lockstep, military fashion (figuratively speaking). The position on domestic issues of the editorial page of virtually any major (New York Times) or semi-major (San Francisco Chronicle) American newspaper, which does not vary in the slightest from paper to paper, are identical to the views she holds on such matters, although this fact raises certain chicken-before-the-egg questions.
Soccer moms literally seem to believe that having an unusual or independently minded opinion on any controversial issue constitutes a form of rudeness, which they invariably refer to as "incivility," and which they clearly desire to see made illegal (one of the reasons they like Bush so much, despite his hostility to their beloved "choice"/infanticide, is because they perceive he is basically a soccer mom in drag, albeit one sporting a perpetually flaccid little flap of nonintrusive tissue which might charitably be referred to as a "penis"), but they fear they may themselves be guilty of "incivility" if they actually call for it to be banned. The stress caused by this cognitively dissonant conundrum leads to their going to Amazon.com, searching for a book with a title something like "Self-Pleasure: The Manual Stimulation of the Clitoris," at which point she daydreams about how much pleasure she might obtain from such a volume, if only she wasn't such a cowardly, paranoid little twit that she actually believes there exists anyone on the face of God's Green Earth who would find it remotely interesting to peruse a list of the purchases she had made on her credit card (it always an article of faith among such types that they are being spied upon; one must wonder what the spies in question would be trying to discern by so doing? How to live an embarrassingly dull life devoid of intellectual or spiritual curiosity, one of absolutely no consequence, abject amorality, and complete failure at her chosen role as a mother?)
I could go on (for quite some time, in fact), but suffice it to say she used to get ****ed by niggers while in college (some exceptions in this regard can be made for Southern and Mormon Soccer Moms, who might have retained just enough residual common sense from their ancestral generations to have somehow regarded acts of miscegenation as examples of "incivility," albeit not nearly to the extent they would similarly regard an act of verbal criticism directed at the miscegenation of unnamed others), and her husband (who provides the sperm, wallet, and little else, which enable gang-attired wiggers to issue forth from her womb) is some money-enamored twit who is so cowardly, effeminate and adverse to risk taking, he is (quite laughably and pathetically) sickened by the thought of performing oral sex (at least upon a woman), although if has enough overpriced Heineken or Corona inside of him, he just might take a swing at you, in the event you don't express sufficient enthusiasm for his favorite NBA team.
Just think of her as the New Soviet Woman....
2005-05-08 09:24 | User Profile
Ha! That's brilliant :lol: