← Autodidact Archive · Original Dissent · madrussian
Thread ID: 13527 | Posts: 3 | Started: 2004-05-04
2004-05-04 19:23 | User Profile
Hilarious. Build a bank in niggersville, and they'll come... to rob it. Build an Ikea in niggersville, and the customers who've never been so close to a robbery before, can enjoy the wonders of observing uncaged monkeys on the loose. (Note the monkey's hide color hasn't been mentioned)
TRAPPED CUSTOMERS GET FREE FOOD
By Joshua L. Kwan and Nicole C. Wong
Mercury News
Maybe the bank robber had visions of filling his living room with Swedish-themed furniture. Or perhaps he figured he could lose his pursuers in the maze of simple, trendy and affordable home furnishings.
Whatever his reasons for racing into the Ikea garage Monday afternoon, it worked. Late Monday, East Palo Alto police were still searching for a man who brandished a handgun at California Bank and Trust, took an undisclosed sum from a teller and escaped by running across the street and through the floor-level garage.
A bank heist like this hasn't happened in East Palo Alto in more than 20 years -- the city didn't have a bank from 1985 to 2002. And Ikea, which opened last year, wasn't around to serve as an escape route.
Surveillance videotape in some of Ikea's 124 security cameras later showed the man -- said to be about 6 feet tall and of medium build, wearing a hooded sweatshirt and blue jeans -- running through the parking garage's main entrance and out the exit near Donohoe Street and University Avenue.
He was in and out, with no intention of staying,'' said East Palo Alto police Lt. Rahn Sibley.He did not want to do any shopping.''
But before police could see tape of the alleged robber fleeing the parking garage, Ikea was shut down.
During the 45 minute lockdown, Ikea soothed its 190 trapped customers with complimentary Swedish Premium Blend coffee, Chocolate Oat Crisps and Swedish Vanilla Dream cookies.
``It was like a little party at one point,'' said Mimi Gay, 37, a graphic designer from Burlingame.
No one panicked; there was no run on Swedish meatballs. Ikea didn't make an announcement over store loudspeakers, and many people didn't seem to notice they weren't allowed to leave.
Some would-be customers hung out outside the store until police gave the OK for Ikea to open the doors.
``We really love it here, so we waited,'' said Gwen Ingram, who brought her two sisters from Georgia. They ate ice cream at the Baskin-Robbins in the nearby Ravenswood 101 Shopping Center and watched the action from a distance.
``I've never been this close to a bank robbery before,'' Ingram said.
2004-05-04 20:10 | User Profile
MR, the reporters Kwan and Wong wouldn't want to offend the blackies by naming the race of the perp, which, obviously, was black. If the perp was White, he'd been outed as such. But if the bank robber wasn't caught, shouldn't they name the race of the thief as to alert the populace of a criminal at large? Anyway, IKEA is a great store. Half my apartment is furnished with their stuff. I hear the CEO of IKEA is now the richest man in the world.
2004-05-04 23:08 | User Profile
The hilarious part is the link made between not having a single bank branch in the monkeytown and not having any robberies.
Does IKEA only try to save money when they biuld their stores in questionable locations, or is there some rhetoric about helping out the "less fortunate" too? It's weird to see so many apes in a store.