← Autodidact Archive · Original Dissent · Ed Toner
Thread ID: 12787 | Posts: 5 | Started: 2004-03-18
2004-03-18 16:26 | User Profile
YALLBONICS:
Not to be outdone by Ebonics in California, the Southern Association of Colleges & Schools is requesting billions of federal dollars to teach "Y'allbonics" in all classrooms south of the Mason-Dixon line. Included here are some samples of "Y'allbonics." If you do not understand any of them, contact a Southerner for an explanation.
HEIDI: (noun) Greeting.
HIRE YEW: (complete sentence) Remainder of greeting. Usage: "Heidi, hire yew?"
BARD: (verb) Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH: (noun) The state north of Florida. Capital is Lanner. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
BAMMER: (noun) The state west of Jawjuh. Capital is Berminhayum. Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."
MUNTS: (noun) A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
THANK: (verb) Cognitive process. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a Docta Peppa."
RANCH: (noun) A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I thank I leff my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL: (noun) A petroleum-based lubricant.. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.."
FAR: (noun) A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."
TAR: (noun) A rubber wheel. Usage: "I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE: (noun) A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, Ah sure hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Pars sometime."
RETARD: (verb) To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
FARN: (adjective) Not domestic. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."
DID: (adjective) Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."
ARE: (noun) A colorless, odorless gas; oxygen. Usage: "He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ARE!"
BOB WAR: (noun) A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
2004-03-18 16:57 | User Profile
Ed, you forgot.... RECTUM: "My brother bard my pick-up truck and crashed it. Almost rectum."
Anyway, we shouldn't be making fun of our Southern brethren who happen to live in the hills.
2004-03-18 17:44 | User Profile
Most of that stuff is the phonetics of the mountain folks of southern Appalachia. Where I am, here in central Georgia, and to the south and over to the coast, we don't say "tar." Instead, we say "tie." You see, in the mountains they speak in a low, flat accent. Here in the flatlands we speak in a high, rounded accent. Big difference when you really think about it.
Ed Toner, if I were you, I wouldn't be insulting the mountain folk too much. One day you are going to beg them for refuge when Shecky turns all the gorillas out of their cages up there in Harlem and Newark, and sics them on you and all the rest of the disarmed gentiles in your vecinity. :oh: :oh:
2004-03-18 17:59 | User Profile
No insult intended. Just humor.
2004-03-18 18:04 | User Profile
[QUOTE=Ed Toner]No insult intended. Just humor.[/QUOTE]
:thumbsup: I know. Jist messin' wi'yoo too.