And I'm the reincarnation of Edward Conze. Everything is there: My problem with Polacks, my charming demeanor, my brash retardation - it's all there.
As for what is specifically and actually Buddhist about my "Buddhism", ie. what cannot be reduced to a sexed-up scepticism: Western philosophy's techniques of achieving certain states of mind are inferior, at least since living practice of their Christian equivalents largely ceased, ie. Meditation is good, and everyone should do it, and it could be Christianised without any trouble. But yes, its total super-Humean scepticism is "true" (remember the subtleties...), and in any case we should be more familiar with the history of the religion.
I heard someone say, and make of this what you will, that the beauty of Hinduism (of which Buddhism is a branch, indeed an avowed revival) is the indistinction of the religious and the philosophical; that even the most abstruse concepts have personal aspects which can be worshiped by the laity. It may have been Sri Aurobindo.
I saw a number of paintings and depictions of Mahakala who the Tibetans call Nago Chempo during my time in Mongolia and Siberia. It’s never left my dreams ever since. Periodically my mind conjures the image of the bodhisattva as I sleep. I’ve been to many Datsans, and besides seeing the goat sacrifice to Chinggis Khan, nothing else in the monasteries stays with me except the fleeting picture of memory. Not so with Mahakala. The monks chants, candles and painted, gilded, flames never let me forget.
Being honest I sometimes think I am living through some sort of facsimile time it sent me to. America coming back was never the same, foreign, weird, a parody of itself that had exacerbated with the advent of popular social media and my first experience of IRL pozz campaigns. Entire years of time and the events in them feel fake, compared to my time in Russia and before, which I’m certain was real and not some demiurge accusatory trial by dream. I think of this as perhaps some sort of yellow shamanic curse I triggered somehow.
Another comment on the fakeness and gayness of any Westernised Buddhism: This is once again true of any religion. It's interpreted in terms of what's known and it will be fake for some time to come - shallow roots. Conze describes the process quite well in
Buddhism: A Short History:
In my eyes Buddhism is to Hinduism as Stoicism/Pythegoreanism is to Hellenism.
Note the
Meditation on Large Numbers